Do you know Jack?

OK.
I don't like forwarded e-mails.
I hardly ever
EVER
read them.
Hey
Why don't we pass around the same piece of gum to chew on too?
I think forwarded e-mails are ways to get scuzz in your computer.
And then there is the whole impersonal thing.
Hey, this e-mail made me think of you....and 58 other people.
OH
and the sad ones. Man.
Or the "pass it on for good fortune" ones.
If my life really were effected by those chain letterie things...an huge anvil would have fallen on my head when I was in the 8th grade....back when I started breaking the chain.
I do
just every now an then
look up
when walking out of tall buildings
to see if a piano is hanging overhead....

Oh
and I am against stealing.

Having said all that....
if you like the TV show 24....
READ THIS!

OK
I swiped it from Kendra McKraken's blog.
She is a super duper Junkitz scrapbooker.
Way talented.
(like praising her will some how lessen the stealing from her factor)

Yes
it is like a stolen
forwarded thing.
I *** the bad word.
If you don't watch 24...this isn't gonna be funny at all.
See you tomorrow.

Basic Truths About 24's Jack Bauer

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

When you open a can of whoop-***, Jack Bauer jumps out.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?

Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're dead."

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.

It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

Happy Thursday!
kellicrowe
criminal

Comments

[Christina]

Man that is one show I don't watch. I want to watch it, but I need more time to watch it. Sometimes I cannot believe we don't watch that show- like what is wrong with us. Again, not enough hours in the day.

[Andria B.]

I loved this! Thanks for sharing it - I'm still laughing. My husband and I never watch the episodes as they air, we hate waiting for a whole week to see what happens. Instead, we fork out $40+ dollars on the complete season DVD set and have a marathon. We seriously watch all 24 episodes in about 3 days - it's way better that way - trust me.

[annkelli]

I just got a recipe trading chain letter thingie on my e-mail.
Like I have time.
Like I have recipes.
(Don't cook)
I just called AL about my CHA order and they said EVERYTHING was back ordered.
Big bummer.
Maybe you will get your copy first!
Don't forget that book signing trip to Nashville?!?!?!

[stacey kingman]

I bet Kendra's gonna beat you up.
She does that to people.
:)

[Jody Ferlaak]

Hey there, kellicrowe~
This has nothing to do with your post, but I stopped by and had to leave you a note- so here it is. I used to send out emails as I approached the birthday of my daughter, Teagan who was killed at age 4 1/2, to my close family and friends. Anyway, Saturday we will mark her 9th birthday. I struggle with the feelings I have leading up to that day- and have found that the more I talk about her and share her life with others- the better it makes me feel. ANyway, I know you don't have girls- or frilly, glittery stuff around (oh yeah- except that prom dress)- but I like to ask people to do something special with their loved ones- not just in honor and memory of Teagan's life- but simply because you have the opportunity to do so. You have life to celebrate- so I hope you take my challenge and do something spontaneous (I'm sure you do that all the time), do something out of the ordinary- which again- you probably do that all the time too- so in reality maybe you should just try doing something normal =), or go out for Happy Meals and don't feel guilty about it. I've already done some little things to lift my spirits and better the world around me- because even though I have hurt inside I can fight through that and create bauty and joy in my own life. And there is nothing more honoring to Teagan's life than doing something great and putting smiles on other peoples' faces- she was so great at that! I hope you have a great weekend. Sweetly~

[Jana]

I know. I think Kiefer just has to say no more, I am all wrung out. Especially after last week's ending. How many more have to die man?! I love the Jack v. Macgyver one!

[glo-girl]

OMgosh!!! THat was HILARIOUS!

My fave? Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
Because I can't.

:)

[Kendra]

Oooooh. Stacey's gonna give me a really bad rep. I do what I have to to protect myself from RVC (her name is just too dang long to type out) so I may have inadvertantly given the impression that I thrive on physical altercations.

I'm reporting you to the chain letter gods. Your breaking of chains probably explains why I've NEVER gotten a single recipe for easy meals, a collection of tea towels, the Victoria's Secret Push-up bra, or the $10,000 check from Microsoft. Thanks a lot, Kelli! Hey, do you have something to do with me not getting a call from CK about HOF? Is that your fault, too?!!

Kendra

[Grace]

I love that show!! My husband and I are so addicted! So much so that I ran across a gal's blog and the only reason I went to it was because her last name was Bauer...there is seriously something wrong with me...LOL!!

[katherine]

I don't watch 24.

BUT, I agree about the forwarede emails. A "friend" actually just sent me one -- one that said if I don't actually forward it onto 5 more people I would have bad luck??!!! What is up with that? How could a friend do that? That is just so ridiculous. Don't they know how stupid that makes them look?? ;)

[stacey kingman]

Uh, oh. I was kidding about Kendra. She wouldn't beat anyone up. I'm sure of it. Really.

Really.

:)

[Crystal]

Oh wow! I have to show this to my husband. And I just realized that we missed this week's episode because we were trying to finish Alias! Aaaahhhh!

Kelli. You always make me laugh.

[Nicole]

Love this, thanks for the laugh!!

[amy j.]

Oh thank you Kelli for that 24 thing...I laughed til I cried. We LOVE 24...and like another poster we usually just get the entire season on DVD and watch it all in a few days in a marathon. It's so funny, in the middle of it we rush the kids to bed so we can race upstairs to the home theater, leather recliners and big screen to watch it!!! Aren't we exciting. We're watching this season in "real time" now and HATE it with a passion. We've missed it once, on the night it aired two shows back to back (of course). Thank God true fans post the epis online after they air so we can download and not miss anything. If you blink and miss one minute of the show you're completely lost for the entire season!!! And why is it Jack always talks as if he's in a hurry, even if he's not and just standing chatting about the weather...always with bated breath. We copy the way he talks all the time with each other as a little joke, you know...bated breath over making dinner or putting toilet paper on the dispenser...everything is a matter of LIFE OR DEATH. I can wait to let hubby read this...he'll pee his pants! Thanks again.

[Cosy Perham]

OMG, that is so funny!!!

[emily]

this is soooo gay (not happy) i mean this is fucking stupid! u r all bitches! f u

[Alisha Morgan]

These jokes are all originally about Chuck Norris. You can pretty much change them for anyone.